deadlines

it has been a while since i've posted anything...not since my overdramatic birthday plea in the beginning of october. =) let's just say that the day was wonderful and even the unexpected happened.

fast forward to the present. it is 8am and in exactly 16 hours, four papers will be turned in to my professors. the deadline of midnight seems like it is generous, but when papers have lingered on my desktop all week, i know better than to think i have lots of time.

and yet in the midst of it all, this seems like the perfect moment to share a few thoughts... (my mother would roll her eyes at my further procrastination)

it is december 14, 11 days until christmas, and i haven't the slightest care in the world for decorations, shopping/making gifts, and really...anything christmas. i attribute my lack-luster attitude toward the holidays and finals to no home to go to. i am so incredibly homesick...which is a lived reality for me, but it makes it hard to finish assignments because there is no great reward of comfort, food and family waiting for me.

as the semester and the year come to a close, i find myself in an awfully reminiscent mood, wistful really...and i can't help but think of the things that are changing, or how things have changed, and what i think about all of it.

the voice of reason says: when you cannot physically change your situation, you change how you feel about it.
the voice of a privileged girl says: who's gonna make me?

as i think on these things...missing family, freedom from finals, unsteady relationships, and frustration over my laziness when it comes to real social change...i look at the clock and it's 9:55. only 14 more hours to go...but i still have four papers to finish.